Tag Archives: grace

The Ugliness Inside Me

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I hate it when they see the ugliness inside of me.

I hate it when I see it, too. I hate it when I feel it.

They: My family. They see it more than anyone else. My husband. He gets the brunt of it; my kids to a lesser extent, perhaps because they don’t understand it as clearly. It is my selfishness, my careless words used as barbs, my defenses that counterattack the moment they feel threatened. It lashes out and it wounds, and it is full of darkness.

I am so sorry. Please forgive me. Again.

Pencil sketch of two-sided face, one smiling and one ugly and snarling

It is ugly.

But. BUT.

I’m so grateful it isn’t the only me.

That ugliness? It’s what Paul called my “old self” (Romans 6) and it’s the part of me that was ruled by sin. The part of me that was crucified with Christ (6:6) when I was born again into God’s family (John 3:5-7). That’s the good news, folks. That old self? I will be free of it someday.

Yes, I still have human limitations. Yes, I still give in to the ugly part of me more often than I would like to admit, much more often than I wish I did. But I’m so grateful for the new self that God is growing in me, because yes, that is there too. And thanks to God’s grace, mercy, and sanctification, that is the me that will prevail. The me that loves God, is thankful for his forgiveness, and longs to do his will, his work, and glorify him with my life. To do as Paul urges us to in Romans 6:13:

… offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness.

Writing Life: Faith, Failings, & Grace

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Faith, failings, and grace. In my life, each one is a blessing in abundance, a part of life that is new every morning. My goal for this blog is simply to share—share my faith, share my failings, share grace. I’m sharing in the hope that God can use what I write to encourage others—maybe even you.

Blessings in abundance: Faith, failings, and grace. But do failings belong in a list of blessings? Faith, yes. Grace, yes. But failings? Yes. Because without failings, there would be no need for grace.

By definition, grace is unmerited. It’s a state of being that is freely granted to people who don’t deserve it: the big word here is sanctified, but that’s beyond the scope of this blog for the moment. I’ll simplify it by using what my uncle, who was a Baptist minister, taught me long ago: grace is God’s riches at Christ’s expense. Undeserved blessings. My failings—which occur daily and are often spectacular—help me to recognize God’s grace and my need for it. Without a need for grace, there would be no need for faith.

Wow. Not exactly where I planned to go when I began this blog post, but I felt compelled to explain why I was writing before I started writing. I am a person whose private motto has always been, I can do it myself. But the reality is, I can’t. I try and I try, but I fail and I fail. And that is why I need God. Because he can. God says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9, NIV). The simple truth is that I am a sinner in need of a Savior, and Jesus paid the price to make my salvation possible. That’s what I’ll be writing about in this blog: my faith, my failings, God’s grace, and how it all plays out and intersects in my life. I’m praying that God will use what I write as a blessing in others’ lives—maybe even yours.