Chasing a Smile

A poem written for a friend.

Clouds in a dark sky

Searching
Seeking a smile
A smile that fled with innocence
With the discoveries that came
When I opened my eyes
I saw a rainbow
I saw beauty in droplets of rain
Each reflecting the light from where he fell
Each assigned his place among others
Each being, part of a whole
In my place, I reveled
I frolicked

But then, I looked around

I understood

You didn’t see the whole
You saw the differences
Differences between you and I
Differences in reflection, that become
Differences in complexion
The whiter, the brighter
(The better, you thought—then you said)

My place in the rainbow was lesser
Lessened
Questioned
My smile faltered
Slipped on the raindrops
Fled into the clouds

Following my smile, into the clouds
I fled too. I have decided.
I’ll make my own place
I’ll reflect my own light
I’ll show everyone
That I am ME.
I’m different.
I’m unique.
I’m not meant to occupy that spot
That I woke up in.
I can be
Whatever, whomever I want to be

So I shut my eyes tight
To block out the light
I cover my ears
Shout as loudly as I can
From the center of the clouds
Tell them to LOOK!
See what I’ve become!
See what I’ve made myself into—
See ME!
HEAR me!
LISTEN!
But it seems that no one cares
No one hears
No one sees or understands
Except a precious few who followed me into the clouds

The problem is, I still
Can’t find my smile
My smile is not visible
Without the light of the Sun

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