January 23, 2019

I am frustrated this morning. But I am also thankful for the blessing of God’s sovereignty, the knowledge that God is in control and has these “circumstances” in his hands.

Last week, I missed the second and third lectures of the 80-person, 4-credit class I co-lead because of my mother-in-law’s passing and funeral. One of these lectures was one I was supposed to give, and my colleague (who isn’t supposed to have to lecture at all) graciously stepped in and did the lecture for me. Monday was Martin Luther King Jr. Day, so there wasn’t a lecture earlier this week. That meant this morning would have been the second of four lectures that I had attended. And my kids’ school called a snow day, since the roads are icy and the school district didn’t want to run the busses.

“Yay, snow day!” my kids will say. But that leaves me with a dilemma: Bring the kids to lecture and to the extra office hours I promised my students, and get practically nothing done on a day I need to get a lot done? Or stay home, get a lot more done, but miss my co-teacher’s lecture—again—and not be around for office hours?

I planned on going in, but as I prayed about it I just felt uneasy. Maybe it’s the “I feel responsible for everything” part of me that is uneasy about not getting stuff done, but as I ended up deciding on a compromise: Stay home, but offer online office hours. I will be able to do more work and be available to my students.

But still, frustration. Somehow, this icy-road weather right as morning rush-hour is underway was God’s plan, and somehow so was the decision put before me. I pray that I have made the right decision, but also need to trust that God will work things to his plan, his will, his glory regardless of me. And so I say thank you. Thank you for icy roads that have given me one more day to work at home with my kids around. Thank you for one more day of not having to attend a lecture I’ve heard at least five times already. Thank you that as I now struggle (perhaps) to establish credibility and authority in this class I’ve missed three times, you will be with me and guide me if I will listen.

It hurts to say thank you today.